Everyone who knows me, knows that I have struggled with my weight for most of my adult life. Struggle is maybe an over statement, because I’m not sure how much of a fight I’ve really put up. Except for a seven year period in the 90s, I’ve been obese since I was 20 years old. That’s a long time.
I’ve been on most every diet you can think of. Most have worked for a while; until I get bored or until a vacation, a Holiday, a special event or a day of the week that ends in Y. I was successful on Weight Watchers and the South Beach Diet was kickin’. Every time, though, I gave up before I reached my goal.
Frankly, I’m quite tired of it. I’m 55 years old. I figure I’ve got 20 really productive years left and an additional 5 moderately useful ones before dotage really kicks in. Yes, I believe I can be productive until I’m 80. After that, I intend to become a pest.
In order for me to make the most of these late summer and autumn years, I need to be as healthy as possible. I’m working on it. Brittan and I raise pasture based meats, including beef, pork, goat, rabbit, chicken and turkey. We’ve begun raising our own fish and shellfish. We grow our own vegetables and milk our own animals. Brittan will be asking, “who is WE”, as it relates to the milking part.
We eat nutritious, healthy foods. It’s just that I eat mass quantities of the stuff and I was as big as Texas to begin with. It’s time to change. I believe South Beach is the best diet choice for me. Generally, it fits my lifestyle and I like the choices. I’m a true omnivore with carnivorous tendencies and South Beach allows for that.
I do, however, need a dramatic kick start to help me reboot, cleanse my system of toxins and simple processed carbs and other sundry junk that’s in my body. But what to do?
Last week, Brittan and I watched the documentary, “Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead”. We were inspired. The film follows two chubbies as they turned their lives around using a juice fast to reboot and kick start. You should watch the film even if you’re skinny and fit.
These guys did nothing but drink juice and water for 60 days. Yikes. Of course, there was something called, ‘exercise’ also involved. I had to look it up. I’d heard of it, but am not a practitioner.
After the movie, Brittan ordered a juicer and “The Big Book of Juices”. We went to the film’s website and looked at the testimonials. We googled everything we could find about juice fasts. We made our plan. We will reboot with juice then transition to The South Beach Diet.
Brittan’s ready to start NOW. But she’s not normal. Christmas is only one week away. Then New Year. After that is Martin Luther King Jr. Day, followed by Ground Hog Day and President’s Day. I’ve assured her that we really need to think this through. There are feasts calling to us. Do we really want to disappoint Jesus by skipping His Birthday celebrations?
Apparently we do. Fasting is my destiny. The goals are: A. Survive day 1. B. Not become suicidal or homicidal on days 2-4. C. Complete a 15 day reboot and reassess. If all goes well, HA, we will go to 30 days. Assuming the Apocalypes does not consume us during that time, we will move on to 60 days. At the end of 60 days, if we are not dead, dying or divorced, we will transition to Phase 1 of the South Beach Diet. Or got to Cracker Barrel for a plate full of Heart Attack; whichever strikes my fancy at the time.
I realize I sound over confident, but that’s just my nature.
Seriously, though, I’m ready for this. I need it. Brittan is really fired up. I’m scared, though. I barely tolerate vegetables at the best of times. I’m a meat, potatoes, cheese, bread, butter, rinse and repeat kind of guy and I like to wash it all down with a variety of caffeine laced fluids. This is going to be hard. I’m afraid of the detox period. Really afraid. And I’m afraid of the boredom if we go for the 60 days. I don’t know if I’ve got what it takes. But I have to try. My conscience, my waistline and my blood pressure are screaming at me. I hate nagging. My stupid doctor thinks that my health is at risk if I continue my present lifestyle. But what does she know? It’s not like she’s a scientist or anything.
So, this weekend or next weekend, B and I will begin a new adventure. I intend to chronicle it here. I hope you’ll join us and read along. Don’t be afraid, all my firearms and ammo, along with any sharp objects have been safely locked away for everyone’s protection. In the meantime, I need a snack.